when you stop looking up to the people you looked up to.

A couple months ago, I was listening to a podcast that had an interview with a well-known married couple. I recognized their names but couldn't place them, plus I was at work, so I didn't look them up right away. They were sharing about the business they founded and grew together, beautiful insights on marriage and family life, and practical tips on how to do life really well.

I sent the podcast go my fiancé, and he also loved it. We were in the midst of a long-distance phone call talking about it, when I realized I remembered who these people were: Dave and Rachel Hollis, who wrote Girl, Wash Your Face.

And who had also just announced their divorce. 

After so much conversation about their marriage and things we wanted to take from their family culture, it felt kind of waaa waaaa. Like, oh, well, never mind-- we're not really allowed to look up to them anymore.

That got me thinking about the people we look up to, and why we look up to them. I don't think the only moral of this story is, "Instagram is perfect, real life is different" and "You never know what's really going on". The moral of this story is that we can learn good things from imperfect people. And also, that their ending? Well, it doesn't have to be my ending.

Never should we idolize someone, or make them a relationship (or life) god. We have the Almighty One living and breathing and moving in and around us-- we have access to Him. He can touch our hearts through the imperfect stories around us.

So, I can look up to people I see doing things well. I can discern what I'm supposed to adopt for my own life, and how I'm called to go even further, through the help of grace.

Am I going to use things that I learned from that podcast? Absolutely. You know what that podcast has actually propelled me into doing? Sacrificing even more for my fiancé. Loving him selflessly. Committing with everything I am, beyond emotion.

And this couple's story will NOT have me thinking that divorce is inevitable, or even an option.

Because marriage clearly isn't an emotional state. It's also not a business contract; it's a covenant. Once May 29, 2021 hits, neither of us have the option any more to part ways. We don't have the option to discern out, because we're going to be at the altar, in front of family and friends, and literally die for each other. We're giving it all.

Beyond a ceremony, beyond a blog post, beyond any books we write, any podcasts we host-- not for content, not for status-- for Jesus Christ, and for each other. He has got to be the center. Not because we learned a formula from a great relationship blog, but because it's all about Him.

He's the dictator of our ending. Not a well-known couple on a podcast.

And when He's the Center? It stops becoming about what's good for me, on my own. Everything is worship of Him. He's the one who called us into relationship, and He'll safeguard what He's redeemed until the end.

Should we just stop looking up to people, because everyone is imperfect? Nope. But we should stop idolizing people, and we should start praying for them. Whether it's Fr. Mike Schmitz or Taylor Swift, these are people with souls and temptations, and they need grace, just like you and I.

I refuse to hear stories like this one and think, "Wow, they were really awesome. If they had it all together and failed, then there's no way we'll make it." I believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that my fiancé and I are going to keep our promise to death do us part. We're going to choose each other every single day, regardless of if the camera is on or not. 

The people we look up to will let us down. Maybe it's something drastic like finding out a priest was sexually abusing people (just happened again in my diocese back home), or a Christian celebrity couple divorces, or maybe it's just finding out that some girl you follow on Instagram isn't as cool as she seemed. We don't worship leaders or influencers; we worship Jesus Christ. We don't build religion around good ideas or hype or the anointing on any one man; we steep ourselves in the beautiful religion of a man who payed for it all.

I had a youth minister I looked up to in high school who ended up leaving his wife and kids. Does that mean that he didn't lead me to Jesus? No, it means that he wasn't Jesus. And when everything came out about his personal life, I didn't leave the Church, and my relationship with the Lord was unshaken. Even though I was deeply affected by this man's choices, it was never about him-- it was about Jesus.

So what's a healthy way to be inspired by people and not idolize them?

Well, first realize no sure way against disappointment. Truth is uncovered and sometimes it's really hard to tell when someone is living a double life. But there's peace when we never needed them to be our Savior anyway, because we already have One.

Think that people are awesome. Tell them that they're awesome. Forward podcasts and blog posts, tag in Instagram posts. Tell your priests and religious leaders that they're incredible, and why. Encourage the married couples around you, and tell them why you're inspired by them.

And don't let a blog be your Bible. Don't let an Instagram preacher be your Sunday Church. Don't take a podcast's word for it. Immerse yourself in the word of God that exists for you. Cultivate conversation with Him more than you do about Him.

Don't worship His followers, worship Him. Don't let being inspired by others take away from what He's calling you to do-- you are equipped, and He has a unique calling for you.

You might not have whatever Christian influencer's cute scrunchies or designer baby clothes or massive photography gig-- be inspired by those things, and then be faithful where He's called you.

Love who is in front of you. Take those insights, then put down your phone, and live.
Be inspired by people, and let them lead you to Jesus. And whatever happens-- know that He is victorious, and He's writing your story with His victory.